I have found myself being increasingly aware of the number of working years ahead of me recently. I am 55 and reached a point that I would best describe as being at the contented career stage. I am not in pursuit of going up any more ladders or seeking any more promotions. I enjoy what I do, and my job satisfaction comes from doing it well, and hopefully achieving what I strive for professionally.

That will bring the growth and development I still seek – not in terms of a step change in seniority of title, but more just a broadening of remit as I grow what I work to grow. 

But that awareness comes against the context of my age, and a growing realisation that I likely only have about ten more years of working life ahead of me. Which focuses the mind a little. Ten years is still a fair amount of time, but as my age increases time does seem to accelerate too – as goes the mantra. It feels all too true. 

We are already nearly halfway through this year, and it only seems like yesterday when I was finishing dry January and celebrating having lost the weight I was working hard to lose. Thankfully I have kept it off and feel much better all round for being that little bit trimmer. The greater frequency and regularity of my running is also helping with that. And so, I find myself almost halfway through another year, positively sustaining that personal health focus, and yet rapidly closing in on that clock ticking down to make it only nine years to go.

I understand better now, as you grow older, you look back fondly and with reflection on the younger years. With age does indeed come more wisdom, and inevitably there will always be the ‘what if?’ question; considering previously made decisions which have contributed to being where we are now. The decisions made, the failures and successes, all culminate in our being right here right now.

For me today that means being back in my preferred art deco apartment block in South Beach, on yet another business trip. But it is wider than just that practical status. My whole environment is one of a career point which has led me to this, and a lifestyle which adjusts to it.

I have always thought of my life in chapters. The student days, the entertainment industry period, the Irish life, the Canada life, the India life, those airline days and more recently the airport days. Immersed within each an abundance of highs and lows, successes and failures, and of course the people close to me through each – some of whom remain, some of whom have gone. 

Each of those chapters contained numerous pivot points which, had something been slightly different, or an alternative decision made, would have led to a completely different future. What if I had not been honest about being offered a job back in the UK while I lived in Canada after only two years there, as I personally would have loved to have remained in the country longer. It was a hard decision, and a choice only I would have known I had made. But for family at the time, it was the right thing to do. It is not all about me, myself and I – and nor should it be.

But that decision led me to my bmi days, which were a fundamental step on the road to today. What if I had not walked away from a reasonable job in Ireland to become a student again and flip to the aviation industry. That decision also had huge relationship implications at the time, which changed course materially as a result. But that is another story, for another time – maybe.

What if I had been successful in my initial officer training at RAF Cranwell and had gone on to be the military pilot I was recruited for. What if, while I took some time out following that subsequent deferral to go to university, my eyesight had not deteriorated below the fast jet threshold, meaning I did not go back into the air force. What if I instead had gone back with my original 20/20 vision remaining intact. Would I have ended up flying those fast jets and followed a career sitting at the pointy end of those flying machines.

What if I had not detected that lump so quickly while I was at university and had successful cancer surgery within a week. What if early 1990’s medicine was not so good as to ensure my survivability from that awful disease. Winning the University’s Chichester Award for ‘Achievement in the face of adversity’, was a consolation prize I was proud of, but would have preferred not to have been in the running for!

But even that incident in my life, and the subsequent 5 years of cancer checks and the frightening nature of those, has helped shape my attitude to life. The way I chose to embrace the now rather than always wish away the present in the hope of an aspirational horizon, is a direct function of that experience. So, in a strange way it is not something I regret – albeit it of course it was a situation I never had any control over.

All we have done before leads us to now, right or wrong, good or bad. Being happy with the outcome is most important and thankfully for me personally – I am. I cannot change the past, so instead I prefer to look forward rather than back. But I also firmly believe that embracing the past, and making the most of the now, and being at peace with previous decisions is important. 

But that does lead me to truly consider what comes next. I am all too aware the clock is ticking. I am equally mindful of just how vulnerable everything can be. While I am content in my current role and ambitious to succeed within it, things can change outside my control. I may be one crisis away from rationalisation, or one business decision away from change. I am not fortunate enough to have any notable financial safety net, so I do need to work – at least in the long term, and the ten, soon to be nine, years ahead of me needs to continue being income generating for me. So that does present a degree of pressure, given as my age advances my marketability for new roles could reduce. Although I would like to hope my experience and credentials positions me well, but conversely that experience is relatively focused in terms of business specialty, so alternative roles that I could move to are few and far between. More reason to ensure I do a good job and generate success. As I said, my aim here is not to climb any more ladders – by proactive design anyway – but more to deliver what I am employed to do, and in turn that should breed growth and associated stability. I hope.

Maybe there is another chapter ahead, who knows. Maybe there are fundamental decisions I will still need to make, which will materially change the direction of travel. Literally in some cases.

What I do know though is my goal is simple. When I do exit the rat race, I want a peaceful life and look forward to focusing more on family, running and writing. I openly joke that I look forward to a writing career with a cool quirky writing room in the mountains from which to effuse my creativity, while embracing the ultra-running community lifestyle. Truth is it is not a joke, as if that is where my destiny lies, I shall be happy. Of course, in parallel that also means an aspiration for a happy relationship and close friendships. That goes without saying and so I will not labour that underlying aspect – which is most important to everything.

So long as these next ten or so years continue as I hope and pave the financial way to enable me to flip to such a lifestyle. Maybe then I will finish the novel I have already half written – assuming I can figure out the elusive ending though!

All that references macro level lifestyle decisions. It does not even touch on the personal aspects of relationship choices (or choices made for us), or health and wellness – and the chance, or nature, that affects these all so important aspects of our lives. 

Fortune always plays a part, although I always love a line from one of my favourite films, The Abyss – “Luck is not a factor!”. Maybe a bit cliché to say so, but I do believe we make our own luck.

And that all plays through to the micro scale, where the most minor decisions can fundamentally change an outcome. Had I chosen to go out for a walk instead of writing this now I would have succumbed to the soaking effects of Florida rain which is a regular occurrence at this time of year. But equally, had I gone out, maybe I would have encountered something that would have shaped my day and maybe my whole life ahead differently. 

We will never know what could have been. Such is the unknown variability that is the exponential divergence of alternative realities. I am sure there is a book in there somewhere…

But that will have to wait for another ten years. Soon to be nine.